Posted by: thebylog | September 14, 2004

Security

In the first draft of my Marshall Scholarship essay, I listed some ways in which my Mennonite heritage has benefitted me, one of which was that it taught me “proper priorities.” This implies that I have proper priorities.

Tonight I was thinking about my day today, how that it didn’t go so well in some ways. Namely, I felt a bit beaten down in a meeting I was a part of. See, I have this inferiority complex about my chosen undergraduate discipline. It’s a “dis”-able discipline, particularly by other engineering disciplines.

And so I take it a little personally. It’s an ego thing, it’s a thing about how important my intellect, my (perceived) intelligence, is to me. It’s a security issue. I tried to think down to the heart of the issue, and I do believe it’s a security issue. My security is wrapped up in people’s perceptions of my intelligence, and really it’s even worse than that because I don’t even think people are meaning to imply anything to me personally when they jab my discipline. Perception, perception. It’s like the mid-sized person looking into the mirror and seeing a fat individual. Perception. And so, I talked it out with God, and I feel better, though security issues are the type that keep popping up–sort of like pride–again and again. Then again, maybe they’re one and the same, security and pride. At any rate, they’re hard to lick.

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Responses

  1. “My security is wrapped up in people’s perceptions of my intelligence”. Macaroni dude, you won’t ever hear me saying that!

    I shudder with fear!

    Ag


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