Posted by: thebylog | December 16, 2004

My Lord

I’m reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace. It’s difficult at times to follow each of the various storylines as he moves from one group of Russian names to another. It’s engaging, however, and if it doesn’t have the sheer page-turning excitement of a modern novel, it requires a certain effort that is rewarded by the realization of an interesting and epic story.

There is a young man–Rostov–who is serving in the Russian army during the time of the French onslaught of the world with Napoleon at their head. At one point, the emperor of Russia comes to visit part of his army.

And oh, Rostov melts at the sight of his leader. The emperor seems so beautiful and glorious and perfect that he would gladly die for him. No questions asked, no death to horrible, anything for his lord. And when the emperor looks at him, though only for two seconds, Rostov feels a bliss that before this he could only have imagined. His acquaintance said of Rostov that there were no women to fall in love with, so he has fallen in love with the emperor.

Tolstoy, of course, describes this more movingly that I, but as I read those passages I wished for the same breathless wonder at my Lord. I wish I could feel what Rostov felt toward his emperor, fully and achingly in love with Him, ready – but more than ready, really, more like desiring – to run to a certain death for His glory.

I can feel Rostov’s awe, but I can’t feel it.



  1. Or what about this truth that I was hit with in church this morning — “The story of Jesus shows us that GOD WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LIVE WITHOUT US.” That touches the heart, is achingly beautiful.


  2. That IS beautiful, Crystal. It’s rather hard to comprehend too. How could He who is Holiness itself want to have anything to do with the rotten little human race? It doesn’t make any sense.

    It would also make one wonder why respond more lovingly to God.

  3. That makes me blush with shame. One of these days I will begin to actually read over what I’ve written and eliminate these embarrasing mistakes.

    What I meant to say was essentially this: God’s deep love to us makes me wonder why we don’t respond more lovingly to him.

  4. AND……..

    Welcome to my world. A wonderful place where proofreading is only a good thought.

    I always sit here snickering at people like you, forgive me Darin, who are always so “correct” in all ways of writing and then go and make mistakes which cause your own person to turn colorful hues, and the rest of us to grin cheesily.


  5. I have to give it to you, Ag, you DO like to grin cheesily. Glad I afforded you some amusement (c:

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