Posted by: thebylog | June 19, 2005

The Sacrifice of Marriage

So the people I’m with like to “discuss” “stuff” a lot. So lots of traditional Mennonite topics get brought up, and then there are other topics too, like:

Who gives up more upon marriage, the Christian guy or the Christian girl?

This bunch is very interesting. I enjoy them a lot.



  1. The girl gives up more (of course!!:}) She is not “free” anymore…she answers to her husband, she is responsible for the upkeep of the home, most of them become mothers which involves getting up at night with a crying baby and just being on call 24-7.
    I am all of the above, and I love it all… but my life is nothing like it was before I married. I gave up a lot when I married, but then I got blessings to exceed everything I gave up.

  2. In a “traditional” Mennonite marriage, very likely the girl gives up the most. But I don’t think it should be that way. I didn’t give up a lot….I gained a partner and we “gave up” together.I have been married 25 years to a man who didn’t think “women” were the only ones who should “give” up. He helps with the house….we had 2 sons .. we both took our turn with being up…..and in our case when I had a serious illness, he was the sole parent at times. So it does not have to be the girl giving up the most. Be equals.

  3. Oh By. One of these days you’re going to drown in your own deepness.

  4. Oh tush, Tom!!! 🙂


  5. Drowning in ones own deepness might be preferable to drowning in iced tea 🙂

  6. Never!

    Not another smart-aleck anon!

  7. In considering marriage, one should not focus on what one has had to give up, but upon what one has gained, and thereupon thank God profusely for this wonderful person who said, “Yes.”

    What I had to give up, wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as what I gained. Next to salvation, Naomi was the best thing to ever happen to me!

  8. Well put, mr. yates.

  9. Tom,

    I had the very same thought as the “smart-aleck anon” and was going to post the same thing, but then I saw s/he had already said it…

    “the worst lead singer” anon

  10. Ha ha! You are very close to being my favorite anon of all time!

  11. Hmmm… Thought provoking. It brings to mind something I once heard a married woman say. She put it this way: “Before marriage, you do as you as you please. After marriage, you are pleased to do.” My very personal opinion is that the question of who gives up more in a marriage needs to be thrown out. It really is irrelevant. If we are indeed Christians, our lives will not be self-centered and we will not even be asking, “What’s in it for me?” We will instead be asking, “How can God get the most glory?” And if He can receive the most glory through one or both partners submitting to each other, then that is what should be done– no questions asked.

    On another note, women are supposed to be a help to men. That is their God-given gift. I think Americans have it reversed. It seems to me that the men end up having to work hard just so their wives and daughters can have the latest in fashions and beautiful houses. The men end up being used as stepping stones for their wives to rise to “the top” in the eyes of their friends. There’s something wrong with that picture. (And go ahead and call me a “male chauvinist pig” if you like. It will do no good because I happen to be one of “the gentler sex” myself.)

    A wonderful quote I’ve heard regarding women’s roles: “God gets the glory, others get the credit, you get the joy”.


    The Baritone

  13. Had a not seen her a few weeks ago I would have thought she feel off the face of the earth. Now where is everyone else?………


  14. Well, I’ve been really busy.

  15. Who’s your fav anon, Tom?

    -“worst lead singer” anon

  16. Not you Tom. I’m talking about the important people like Crystal, Lauren, Nony, etc.


  17. Oh, thanks so much!

    You, “you’re the worst!!”

  18. HA! So sensitive. Cling to reality, you made it all happen.


  19. Tom: The funny thing (to me) about my original comment (and the ensuing one about “increase the quality of the singing”) is the fact that you are such a good singer. If it was believable, it wouldn’t be funny, just mean. 🙂

    -“worst lead singer” anon

  20. Ag, this must be an inside joke, cuz I’m not following you two…

  21. Yeah, we’re hard to follow. Tom is speaking to two seperate people in the same comment, in case that is the cause of your confusion. “You, ‘your the worst!!!'” is in regards to his fav. anon who is the “worst lead singer”. I am in no wise known as “the worst”. Come now, can you imagine?

    Okay, so have I confused you further?


  22. Anonymous posting at ll:45, I appreciate your thoughts. Very well said. Thank you for your insight.

  23. It is good to see Merry back on the blogs and I saw a post by Crystal on another tonight. I hope Tom gets his Team of Commenters, Crystal, Merry, and Ag together again, I missed their “glory days”.

    Paul is on the right track with his answer to this question, marriage is a gain to both and not a loss if it is Christian in concept and practice. Neither gains or gives up above the other; unfortunately, this is not the case in all marriages. May we find the true path in our marriages as we seek God’s will and way.

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