Posted by: thebylog | June 23, 2005

Eyes Upon You

My eyes have been bothersome on and off for the last five or six months. They seem to have developed somewhat of an aversion to contact lenses in general, and as a result I must wear my glasses more often than I’d like. But there is another result of this problem as well.

I remember going around with friend CS about where I look at people as I’m conversing with them. I don’t look at them straight in the eyes. Maybe this is like blasphemy to some, but if you want to be technical about it, when I am engaged in normal conversation with another soul (or, say, listening to a preacher) and am looking at them, I focus on the mouth area. I have tried shifting the focus up a few inches to the eyes, but a) it is distracting and b) if it is a one-on-one conversation it feels too intimate.

But since I’ve been struggling with red eyes, I look at peoples’ eyes more! Though probably not anymore during conversations, just noticing if they have nice white eyes or if they are tinged with crimson.

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Responses

  1. Blasphemy? No, I don’t think so. You sound like a normal guy to me. Based upon what I’ve observed of the masculine gender, they generally tend to perceive eye contact as an intimate action and avoid it– unless they are talking to their girlfriends.:) Women, on the other hand, (this one anyway) tend to make eye contact all the time in conversation and think nothing of it. I remember how mortified I was when I once read somewhere that some men consider prolonged eye contact Flirting! Flirting is pretty much the last thing on my mind when I make eye contact with a guy. I make eye contact because I can better tell what a person is thinking if I look into his/her eyes.

  2. Perhaps one should focus on the bridge of the other person’s nose. That way, it looks like you are looking them in the eyes, and both of you can be comfortable.

  3. And a handy rule of thumb to tell if you’re too close…. are your eye’s crossed? Haha!

  4. Yay, now I have an excuse to not look people in the eye!. 🙂 Despite that I am a female, I have a hard time doing the eye contact thing – especially without intermittent glances elsewhere. However, I guess I won’t make use of the excuse on a regular basis – I’m trying to improve in this area because eye contact enhances communication. Interestingly, collegegrad.com ranks eye contact as the most important interviewing nonverbal.

    Eye contact is good, but it is important to find a happy medium. It is unnerving to have another person stare unwaveringly at me while listening. Some sort of focus rotation among the mouth, eyes, nose bridge, and non-human would be good.

  5. In the book “The Introvert Advantage” the authors say introverts while talking tend not to look at others (it’s too distracting to them) but while listening tend to look at people (to concentrate).

    They say for extroverts it’s opposite. While talking, extroverts look at a person (to concentrate), and while listening tend not to look. Kinda interesting to observe.

    In general I have found that the more inner peace I have and the more God has broken down my inner walls and secrets, the more comfortable I am with letting people look into me and looking into their eyes.

    Interesting discussion

  6. C’mon, you guys are way over thinking this…just think about what the other person is saying and you won’t even be thinking where your eyes are supposed to be… and do you know where they will be if you do this?? On the other persons eyes! I don’t like trying to have a conversation with a person, when you know that they are thinking about something else..that is so irritating. I can tell when a person is not paying attention even when they are looking at you, and now I finally figured out what they are thinking about ….its whether they should look you in the eye or at your mouth or maybe even your nose!!LOL!!!

  7. By, you’re weird! I can’t believe you still think about that whole conversatiohn we had, but…you haven’t changed! I’m gonna blog one of these days along the eyes line.

  8. Darin, you are hilarious!! I loved your comment!

    ~Naomi

  9. Oh, and by the way, you can’t look at both of a person’s eyes at once. I have this habit (irritating to some) of glancing back and forth from eye to eye when talking or listening to someone.

    ~Naomi

  10. “The eyes are windows to the soul”. I don’t know who said that, but I think it’s pretty accurate.

    Hope your eyes get better soon, By. I know what it’s like to have sore eyes. And I love my contacts and can hardly stand it when I’m forced by physical circumstances to wear my glasses.Grr… Plus my dad calls me “the professor” when I wear them. (Coming from him, that’s not a compliment. He’s one of the crowd who believes people come out of college stupider than when they entered.)

  11. Anon, your Dad may be right more than wrong. I remember what one wise person noted, “some folk are educated into imbecility.”

    Education is a lot like Christian faith, it is what you do with it that qualifies its existance or worth.

    Looking at the eyes, or face, of your partner while in conversation gives a sense of understanding and a closeness of friendship that is lacking in other forms of communication.

    The problem with this form of discussion (blogging) is that I cannot look into the eyes of my correspondants, I only know some by their words. While most people have a nom de plume (pen name) or use their real names, anonymous commentors do not help reduce this “blindness” we must deal with. Anon comments are like talking to a person wearing mirrored sunglasses.

    I offer this thought as a helpful critique, I do not want to offend, however, when an unknown person enters a conversation it is usually with the offering of a name of introduction.

    I truly appreciate those that identify themselves in some fashion.

  12. Truthseeker– I assume that you are speaking to me– that annoying personage who has been leaving numerous anonymous comments on the by-log.:) A nom de plume… hmm… French is good.:) From hence forward my pseudonym shall be “Cordelia” or “Delia” for short. No, I’m not offended by your comment.:)

    — Delia

  13. Thank you Delia, while I was speaking to all anons, and not just you, I appreciate being able to have a “face” on the blog to respond to. I use a nom de plume to keep me somewhat humble though many know who I am due to my children referring to me as Dad. {:^) I feel more relaxed with the TS moniker, and its link to the blog I try to run. Thanks again for your on-line name. Hope to be talking with you again soon.


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